In the history of HYDLE.com… this ridiculous “TSOIGDH” entry marks my 999th public blog post since May of 2009 – When I started this crazy world of blogging ideas, thoughts and Genius vs. Not Genius intermanents and social media successes or failures.
So for the sake of getting google credit for it…
“TSOIGDH” = TURNING SHIT ON IT’S GOD DAMN HEAD
Turning shit on it’s god damn head is going to be my 1 single inspiration for the next 999 blogpost entries. I can’t wait to open up my connection layer for all my loyal readers… so I can start finding out who you actually are.
Cheers to 999!
In rugby when you score your first try, you are required to remove your clothes, either after the match or at the social and run around naked. This is the Zulu Warrior tradition.
Sunday, April 29th, I complete my first tri; a Triathlon that is! I competed in the Blaster Blast Triathlon held at the Colorado School of Mines. I knew that when I woke up and it wasn’t snowing that it was going to be a good day. It snowed at this event last year. I got to the transition zone around 8am and found a spot all the way in the back. Apparently the T-Zone opened at 7am and all the close spots were already taken. Since this was my first triathlon, I didn’t really care. I didn’t let it bother me and I focused on keeping things simple.
After I was set up, I took in a few more calories and headed into the pool area. They opened the lanes to warm up, so I did a quick lap and felt great. I stood in line and got my number drawn on my arm and leg. #1757, this was AWESOME and I think that’s when I really started getting amp’d up for the competition. The fastest swimmers started first, three to a lane, and once a lane opened up, another three racers started. I didn’t get into the water until 9:45, so it gave me plenty of time to freak out!
Finally, my turn to play. I jumped in the water and the lady asked me my number, I told her and she said ready, GO! and remotely started my timing chip. I was off to a great start, until one of the guys in my lane passed me. I had never swum with three to a lane and it was stressful. I tried to remain calm and just fall into a rhythm. Success! I finally got into a groove and knocked it out. Luckily, there were some nice volunteers to count my laps, or else, I’m pretty sure I’d still be swimming.
I got out of the pool 2nd in my group. I was definitely winded and my legs felt like Jell-O, but I got in and out of the T1 in a decent time. The first part of the bike was downhill which gave me plenty of time to zip up my jersey and take in more calories. I immediately ate another gel pack and four big gulps of EnduroxR4. The first part of the trail was extremely technical, so I was really glad I had ridden my road bike. I went out hard and started passing people. It was an out and back on the Clear Creek trail. I felt at home on my bike and pushed it pretty hard. I got to the turn around with a smile on my face, time to tackle the big hill back into Golden. I took in more calories and really hit the corners hard, I was feeling winded on the climb, but my legs responded amazingly when I asked them for one last push up the steepest part. I past four more people and caught a second wind near the T-Zone when I saw Stephanie Moose cheering me on.
I sat down and tore off the biking gear and put on my Moose gear, it was time to go catch some more people. The first part of the run was uphill. I felt sluggish, but when I saw other people suffering I pushed through and passed a lady just before the downhill. I was able to recover a lot during the long ¾ mile downhill section. When it flattened out I saw the guy from my swim lane that had gotten out first. I was feeling great, so instead of waiting I decide to kick it now around 1.5 mile marker. What goes down must come up, the second mile was back up the hill, but I was ready for it and it really played into my strengths. I opened a large gap between the other runners behind me. I came back through the original transition area one last time to some more cheering fans and it was literally all downhill from there. I sprinted the last 200 meters and caught an unsuspecting guy right at the line.
Whew! It was over, just like that. I got full body chills when I thought to myself, Ted, you’re a Triathlete!
Here are my RESULTS
Repeat after me… I am the best.
I have big muscles… and cool hair.
I have a sophisticated and diverse group of friends.
I own an environmentally responsible sports sedan.
I’m breaking up with Heather Graham because I need my space.
I am winning… all the sports.
I believe in myself.
Agency – Wieden + Kennedy (Portland)
Life Reset Button – PUSH
18 years ago I quit Gymnastics. Golf, Baseball and Skiing carried me through my high school and college careers. Now that my gymnastics body has undoubtably worn off – It’s time to get back into shape and get my ass kicked a little.
Thanks to Matt D’Amico – he has a program for this.
3 Month BodyLab Adventure Begin!
Episode 1 – 4:30am Life Reset Button
Episode 2 – Presidential
Episode 3 – Marinate (the fear)
Episode 4 – Workout #1
Episode 5 – Holy Shit
Episode 6 – Dragging Ass
Episode 7 – Encouragement (plus new gym sneak peak)
Put your sedentary soft mammal ass to work!
Life Reset Button – PUSH
18 years ago I quit gymnastics. Now that my gymnastics body has undoubtably worn off – It’s time to get back into shape and get my ass kicked a little.
Thanks to Matt D’Amico down at Body Lab – he has a program for this.
3 Month BodyLab Adventure Begin!
[YouTubeUlar] <— 1,989,019 Seems like I'm a little behind with the Shake Weight.
[YouTube] <— 318 views My brother and I have been dreaming of a campaign like this... finally good to see it. Is this marketing? Or is it genius? Genius Marketing - again. Staff: Jillian Michaels - Community Outreach Director Matt Cassel - Chief Marketing Officer Josh Cox - Chief Super Long Distance Runner Officer Jon "Bones" Jones - Human Resources Director Urijah Faber - Chief Operations Officer Ray Mysterio - Director of Security Patrick Willis - VP of Carnage Kenny Powers - MFCEO Slogans: "Stop Not Training" "Un-Weak Yourself" "Do Not Undermine the Lightness of the Tubes" "Quit Not Breaking World Records" "I'm the Ceo. You Shut Up." "Get Championy" Micro Site: [K Swiss Micro Site of the Year]… again.
Behind the Scenes:
[Explaining MFCEO Kenny Powers] <— 614 YouTubeUlars: [Tubes or Weakness] <— 379 [A-Too Slow B-Not Enough Effort] <— 472 [Get Hard] <— 460 [Five-Druple] <— 401 [Patrick Willis] <— 443 K-Swiss Power Cologne: [Scent of Boner] <— 308 [The Shit] <— 535 [Scent of Dick] <— 328 Last Year R Rated: [40 Yard Dash] <— 3,477 [Last Years Explicit] <— 22,841 [Calipornia – Funny or Die] <— 55,124 If you still want to show your grandma the power of the tubes... watch this one. NOT EXPLICIT:
[YouTube] <— 696 views
[YouTubeUlar] <—0 Happy 30th Birthday Lauren - here is your YouTubeUlar debut. Sorry I can't play with you guys on your birthday... Cheers! -Hydle
Directions – How To Take Charge of Your Health
1 – Listen to the mix we made — All of the Lights (Archuleta Mix by Hydle)
2 – Get pumped.
3 – Now you understand where the context of this email is coming from.
Ok Ted … time for Hydle to take charge of his health.
I want a program – I want small episodes of how to cook – how to eat healthy – and I want to understand why why why… why a certain percentage of whole wheat whatever is ok vs. some other whole wheat whatever. I want to bring this story into my blogo-sphere-land and story telling ability and it is going to connect with other random cooking things I have in the pipeline.
There is a space for this now and in the future… your identity has already been slightly established (http://www.hydle.com/blog/tag/ted-archuleta/) and with your weight training and body building success about to unfold we have a perfect launching platform to tell stories.
This will take work — actually it will probably be the most difficult thing you have ever achieved (way harder then going to coors complex and not drinking beer)… but I think you can muster it. Let me know if you are up for being the master dietitian… + rocket scientist. And maybe energy drink review master for Hydle.com
[iDevice Link] <— 2,293 In support of my sister Sheila, I am reposting this. In all honesty, I would probably throw this stripper a buck or two. If she’s not an adult entertainer – I apologize… I was purely judging on behalf of her name only.
@2:20 when she walks down the stairs… on a pole = pretty amazing.
Good luck sister.
[iDevice Link] <— 263,384 Thanks for the reminder Mr. Jumping Jack Lalanne – and may you rest in piece as your words live on. Jack Passed away on January 23, 2011 at the tender age of 96. Follow the rules of Jack and give yourself the ability to be happy, smile and live a long prosperous life.
“It’s not conducive to smiling and being happy. So please… lets get back to the way nature intended us to be. With a smile on our face and enjoy all the wonderful things we have in this great land of ours.”