Tag Archives: Humor

The Perlorian Brothers – Social Farter

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[VimeeeeeO]

I’ve recently had this idea to change the word “work” to “fuck”. It’s a play on words to call out the people in this world that are always just too busy to do anything worthwhile or fun… the people that always have excuses to not go skiing, or to not grab a drink or to NOT hang out. No no no no no. They are wrapped into their own world of being too busy… “working” all the time.

In your reply to these non-existent people in our lives… swap “work” to “fuck” and see how long it takes them to understand what you are doing.

“Ohhh, I’m sorry you fuck from 9 to 5.”
“You have to fuck on the weekends!?”
“You fuck all the time.”
“Well, when your done fucking – maybe we can hang out.”

The way I envision the advertisement for our public service campaign about getting people out of the office in their mind — would be a mix between Budlight – Swear Jar and the above beautiful ad I found today from The Perlorian Brothers [Vimeo], [Facebook – 2321].

The Social Farter is a genius PSA by the Canadian Ministry of Health’s Quit the Denial campaign.

[Quit the Denial – Social Farting] <— 346 [Quit the Denial – Social Nibbler] <— 10 views [Quit the Denial – Social Earwax Picker] <— 15 views I found these while researching old advertising methods and came across Calvin Cline’s 1980 campaign with Brooke Shields when she was 15 years old.

Happy 420 Bob Barker

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[YouTubeUlar] <— 2,675,194 Happy 420 Bob Barker. I miss you on the price is right.

“On this episode of The Price Is Right contestant Evan Goding does what he’s waited for his whole life. He makes it up to contestants row and bids 420. Not just once. A bunch of times. The crowd loves him and at one point he even makes Barker blush.”

Awesomeness.

Olde Payphone – Portrait of an Instagram Artist

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[YouTubeUlar] <— 50,301 (ad driven) Erik Jorgensen: "Who doesnt love a like!" Hydle: "ohhh, douchebag from jersey shore... go back to your android"
“I want people to look at my artwork… and see that the little things in life that people say – Hey that’s stupid. And take a look at it again and say – Hey, it’s not so stupid now that it has that filter on it.”

Your Duck is Dead

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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!”
she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”

Who’s up for a few Golf Jokes?

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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

“I’m dying here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.
“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”

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A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, “You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What’s your secret?”

Mickelson replied, “The holes are numbered.”

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Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?”

“Yes” says the woman.

“Did you hit him with that golf club?”

“Yes, yes, I did.” The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

“How many times did you hit him?”

“I don’t know — five, six, maybe seven times…..just put me down for a five.”

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A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, “Are you a good golfer?

The man replied: “Got here in two, didn’t I?

—————————————————————————————-

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: “What are your golf clubs doing here?”

He looked her right in the eye and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”

A New Car For Women

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Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and the Ford ‘Taurus’ they have designed the ‘Clitaurus’. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it each year.

New Federal Golf Rules

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Finally, RULES we can believe in!!
New Federal Golf Regulations

Since these new golf rules will be in effect next year, please share with fellow golfers.

President BHO has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in January 2012.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book (2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes. Golfers with handicaps:
– below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
– between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
– above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.

The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
– handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
– handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
– handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.

Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only “net score” against every other player’s gross score.

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.

Golf must be about fairness, remember it is a gentlemen’s game. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and determination.

This is the “Right thing to do.”

A Lonesome Homeless Man

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“A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” the man asked.

“No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on greens’ fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The man replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing and golf.”